does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
