oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
