youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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