Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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