That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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