butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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