Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
