Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
