Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize