I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
