cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize