Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
