4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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