but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
