I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
