Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
