Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
