I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
