I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
