My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
