my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
