Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Randomize
