; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
