Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
