I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize