Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
