yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize