Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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