I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
