I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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