It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize