He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize