i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
