It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize