i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize