I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
