and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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