Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
