Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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