Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Success! We fucked roommates!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
