can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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