she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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