What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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