I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
