I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
