rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
