i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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