it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
