Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
did i walk over a car last night?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
