Moan for me like Helen Keller
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
