$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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