I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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