my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
