Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
