I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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