So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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