There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize