P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You can't just leave with hair like that
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
i believe in u and ur pee
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
