you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
