I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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