she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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