i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
