I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
