Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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