you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
