party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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