I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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