I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
