I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
