so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
