You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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