somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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