Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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