TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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