Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
