tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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