'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
