Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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