Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
