You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
