The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
