So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
