Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
