He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
