I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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