I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
