So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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