Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
