i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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