my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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