he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
