Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
