The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
